Top 10 Reasons Andy Cohen should run for president in 2012
10. The Salahis may finally be able to get a real invitation to the State Dinner at the whitehouse.
9. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, selected as campaign fundraisers, commit to one full year without any cosmetic alterations thereby raising enough cash to not only finance the election campaign but cut the national debt in half.
8. First lady, Mama Elsa gives free psychic readings to all members of congress and for the first time in history is able to achieve bipartisan unity in the house and senate. The Mojito Monday radio address replaces the weekly national Saturday program, is held in the Lincoln Bedroom, and features appetizers (croquetas and fried plantain) a pig roast, and no talking just salsa and meringue music.
First dog, Giggy would have as his platform, finding a cure for Alopecia and implementing universal veterinary health care.
7. Andy’s controversial appointment of Nene Leakes as Secretary of State proves to be one of his most brilliant acts in the early days of his first term. Unlike Star Jones, president of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and North Korean leader Kim Jong Il resign immediately upon hearing the former Atlanta Housewife give her “I Will Take You Down” acceptance speech. Palestinians and Israelis are able to come to a long sought after peace agreement after signing a friendship contract negotiated with the help of the secretary’s closest aid Cynthia Bailey.
6. During president Cohen’s reign, all state of the union addresses are delivered in the WWHL clubhouse. The drinking game is mandatory, with members of the audience as well as those watching from home,sipping their cocktails whenever they hear the words “Ramotional, Gingey, Mazel, Jackhole, and My Three Wishes for the Week.” The National anthem would be changed to “Don’t be Tardy for the Party” and all Supreme Court Judges would be required to wear Kim Zolciak wigs during court proceedings. Please note that supreme court justice nominee Phaedra Parks clarifies her position on the merits of canned food for white people, rationale for unknown due dates, benefits of sip and see parties, and the importance of including pickles in pregnancy photos during the senate selection process.
5.Patti Stanger is offered a new cabinet position as head of the Department of Matchmaking. Her challenge is to decrease the divorce rate by teaching men to use their brains instead of letting their penis do the picking while dating. Her successful matches result in passage of gay marriage in 48 states as the voters come to the realization that same sex unions will not negatively impact their ability to stay married nor cause the nation to dissolve into a pillar of salt like the city of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Jeff Lewis is appointed the position of head of the Department of Housing and Urban Development. His challenge is to make over the entire state of New Jersey, the cities of Detroit, Oakland, Cleveland, and any dwelling decorated with Ikea furniture.
4. The New York Housewives are relocated to Washington DC and then promptly cancelled.
3. The cast of Top Chef All Stars are hired to staff the White House kitchen. Quick fire challenges determine who gets to cook for visiting dignitaries and the never ending parade of WWHL guest stars. Layoffs are determined by elimination challenges in the rose garden. Chefs prepare the meals using solar panels and aluminum foil and all meals are judged on taste, creativity and presentation by Curtis Stone and Tom Colicchio before being served.
2.. Rosie Pope heads up the National Education Association and replaces “No Child Left Behind” with “No Child will be Born into a Home Before it is Sufficiently Baby Proofed.” A national program requiring mandatory psychotherapy for all children raised in Manhattan’s upper east side will be submitted for congressional approval within the first year of office.
1. Vice presidential candidate Bethenny Frankel rolls out the Skinny Girl Margarita recreational vehicle for whistle stop tour of Florida, Georgia and West Virgina promoting her campaign promise that rednecks will find a place of yes that doesn’t involve 40 OZ Bud Light and a date with a relative in the same fork of the family tree. Her fight against child obesity includes appointing Jamie Oliver as National Food Czar and getting skinny girl margaritas approved as the beverage of choice for school lunches.
Question of the day: Do you think we need a food revolution in the public school lunch program?